Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Kobe Versus Shaq, Part IV



Why don't these two cats just rent out a boxing ring, invite the press, hire a ref, get regulation gloves and quit (air quotes) "jooking" each other, as they say north of 125th street in Manhattan.

Recently, Shaq took their little contretemps to the unforgiving gritty urban music world, according to MSNBC (link via eagle-eyed Tom at TheMediaDrop):

"Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal, on a new rap CD he is making in collaboration with DJ Vlad, takes some shots at former Los Angeles Lakers teammate Kobe Bryant, ESPN reported.

"On the song 'You Not The Fightin' Type,' part of the new CD 'Hot In Here Part Five,' O'Neal calls out Cincinnati-based radio disc jockey DJ Skillz and sings, 'Even with wings you never as fly as me ... you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me ... but you can't ... even if you get me traded ... wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Mase and you're still hated.'"

The Corsair has never heard a flow so flavor deficient as the above.

Anyhoo: Shaq, being a sensitive New Age guy, often takes his frustrations out in poesis, no fisticuffs for he, why, can we forget his own contemplative meditations on Fathers and Sons, "Biological Didn't Bother. (Averted Gaze)"

Anyhoo, evidently, it seems, Kobe is the fighting type as, Kobe Bean countered, according to the NY Daily News:

"Hours after Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, he reportedly told cops that his Los Angeles Lakers teammate Shaquille O'Neal had paid women up to $1 million to keep 'situations like this' quiet.

"Bryant's Shaq attack came July 2, 2003, in a conversation he had with Colorado cops soon after a 19-year-old hotel worker accused the star guard of assaulting her, the Los Angeles Times reported last night.

"... Bryant stated he should have done what Shaq does. Bryant stated that Shaq would pay his women not to say anything. He stated Shaq has paid up to a million dollars already for situations like this."

But the most interesting item to come out of the transcripts is the release of Kobe's cell phone number, 310-946-6046.

Shaq may want to buy a copy of The Enquirer, which says:

"Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa exploded in rage after learning her husband had a secret mistress - and then stormed out of their house, taking their 20-month-old daughter.

"Stunned by another betrayal from her husband, Vanessa fled with little Natalia to her mother's home.

"The dramatic blowup occurred just hours after the leak of a 57-page police report prepared by Eagle County (Colo.) detectives in which Kobe admits hed regularly had extramarital sex in New York with a girl named Michelle.

"And The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively that Kobe's secret affair with Michelle, a beautiful Latin girl, who works in a sports business, has been going on for at least two years!"

Kobe, apparently, likes his women like The Corsair like his dead languages: Latin!

Ahem.

The story concludes:

"After fleeing her house Friday, September 17, Vanessa returned for a few hours Sunday evening - then left again for her mother's around midnight.

"'It was her third night sleeping at her mother's since the police document was leaked,' said the close source."




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